Destruction of Snow Phallus Bemoaned by Its Creators and Their Fellow Students

There was a new arrival to the MC campus during the evening following the Super Bowl. Although the visitor seemed cold and hard, there was an air of artistry and dedication surrounding the area. By the morning, there was no remaining trace of the visitor ever having come at all. What was this mysterious stranger? It was a giant snow penis, constructed by Manchester College art students.

Very few members of the MC community got a chance to see the snow construction, however, because it was destroyed by campus security and maintenance before the start of Monday’s classes. It had existed for less than seven hours before it was removed.

The demolition of the snow phallus has since been protested by the students who created it, as well as by their fellow students who wanted to see the campus’s infamous penis.

Sophomore Chris Webster conceived of the idea for the construction of the snow phallus. “No one that I called wanted to just go outside and play in the snow, but when I changed my request and asked if they wanted to help me build a big, giant, throbbing [penis] on the mall, they were all for it,” Webster said. “It started out as play, and ended up as art.”

Martin Yohn, a first-year student, was one of the friends that received a call to come help. “I immediately put on everything warm that I owned and met Chris, followed closely by Brian [Kunze] and Joe [Dwars],” Yohn said. “It must have been amusing for any passersby to see four figures, spaced evenly on the sidewalk around the mall, each with a 40 pound ball of snow being pushed and forced along the path in front of them.”

Dwars’ sense of humor and desire for novelty contributed to his participation in the construction of the penis. “I decided to join in because I thought it was hilarious to do a snow penis when everyone else was just making snowmen, and I wanted to make something everyone would be talking about, kind of like immortalizing us and the penis.”

Construction of a snow phallus of such a magnitude required some creative problem-solving in order to achieve the right shape and level of realism that was envisioned by its creators. “You would be surprised at the amount of consideration that is involved in sculpting a hard-on out of snow,” Yohn said. “We had to ask ourselves questions like, how big should we make it? How long? Should it be vertically or horizontally erect? Should we even tackle the issue of hair?”

“The shaft was multi-balled, and then unified—we put three or four balls in a line and then filled in the spaces,” Webster said. “Marty and I demanded that it be huge; we didn’t want just a tiny [penis] for the corner.”

“Once we had it together, it was all about rubbing the [penis] thoroughly to make sure it had the right shape—you know, good and strong,” Webster continued. “Then, from there we added on veins, to make it throbbing.”

All of the people who were up and around on campus late enough to witness the creation of the phallus were amused, supportive and impressed. “Everybody who saw the penis loved it and loved the idea,” Dwars said. “We even had a bunch of people stand and watch and even pack some snow on.”

Kunze and Webster agreed that their fellow students seemed more enthusiastic than offended. “While we were making the penis, a group came to the mall, and we all threw some snowballs back and forth,” Kunze said. “After a while, they went off to make a wall across the road in front of the Union. Everyone who walked by or stopped to watch was amazed by the snow penis.”

“The people who witnessed the assembly of the [penis] were all pretty supportive,” Webster said. “Some people rode it, but that was before it had the veins on it yet. Others asked us why we were making a giant penis on the mall in the first place. Still others joined in and helped with the construction. Some other people were talking about making a giant vagina, too, but then they realized it would be too difficult.”

Although students’ opinions regarding the snow penis were varied, there seems to be a consensus among many students that it was not necessary to destroy the snow art. “I can see how the penis could seem offensive, but college is a time for people to be more explorative and open-minded,” said sophomore Maggie Winey. “I’m a little pissed off that I didn’t get a chance to see it in person.”

First-year student Zachary VanWinkle sees the destruction of the phallus as an indication of the power dynamic between students and the administration. “I think that the way the college reacted to the snow penis reveals that anything that is deemed inappropriate is subject to censure by the college’s administration and staff,” VanWinkle said. “Although this may be their right, we live here, and we should have the right to freedom of expression.”

Junior Natasha Miller was one of the most outspoken students in favor of the existence of snow phalluses on campus. “I have no problem with penises,” Miller said. “In fact, I am very fond of them. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of them (like this snow penis) around campus.”

Likewise, first-year student Epigmenio Sanchez regrets that the penis was destroyed so promptly. “A big snow penis on campus is actually pretty funny,” Sanchez said. “It would have been nice to be able to see it myself, and maybe even get a few photos of myself with the penis.”

The creators of the snow penis were saddened by the removal of their creation. “When it was tore down we were all upset, because we really didn’t feel like anyone had the right to demolish our snow penis,” Dwars said. “After all, there’s a bunch of art that has penises and other genitals in it. We were also pretty pissed that not a whole lot of people got to see the penis, because what we wanted to do was make the campus laugh.”

Chris Webster agreed. “I felt a great disappointment towards this college when our penis was destroyed,” Webster said. “It was art, and I had hoped it would be respected, but it wasn’t. It was throbbing—I mean, c’mon, you have to at least respect that.”

Webster also had advice to offer to other potential snow artists. “If I was to give any advice to future snow masons, it would be this: wear gloves. Good ones.”

(An edited version of this article appeared in the February 22 edition of The Oak Leaves)